Kanchanaburi to Sukathai to Chiang Mai to England

Woohoo! We're getting an old fashoined train to Kanchanaburi! We get to sit in the special tourist section, which as far as I can tell means we get some padding on the seats compared to the free Thai travel section which is just wood. 

Once out of the town centre the scenery, mountains, fields and rivers are really pretty. We meet a new friend from Israel on the train. He did get scammed by the ‘it’s closed’ scam previously mentioned and we have a lovely chat telling him what we know about the history of Kanchanburi and the Death Railway. We must have been super friendly as he sticks with us until the next day. We soon arrive at the River Kwai Bridge, not before my bum really starts to ache on the train though, and it is packed busy! Interestingly this river wasn’t actually called the River Kwai but was mistakenly referred to as such in a book, which was then made into a movie and when the tourists started rolling in the government just renamed the river Kwai to save any confusion. Nice. First stop is the Jeath Museum, a very odd museum about the Death Railway and general Thai stuff they have collected. Some of it is really moving but the weird mannequin models just scare me...I feel like they may just reach out and get me when I’m not looking (hang on, isn’t that an episode of Doctor Who?). We do see a huge lizard though!

Before heading back to our mozzie-ridden hotel we go for a walk along the bridge. How scary this must have been if you were sat on it when it was being bombed as the allies were.  L

That night we enjoy some free pool, shoe shopping and watching random guys with Thai girlfriends sat on their laps who we earlier heard asking for a gay bar...

The following day we spend an hour at the graveyard where the allied soldiers who died building the railway were buried.  This is the saddest thing ever. Rows and rows and rows of gravestones. We don’t even manage to get round more than 4 rows. Young men, younger than us, starved to death, killed, or dead through infections and disease. It takes us a while to gather ourselves before we go back on the railway to the end of the line that still exists. Looking at the rock that was cut out with bare hands or basic tools is shocking and the railway goes on and on and on and this is only the part that still runs. It really puts into perspective what a thing they died building for the sake of war.  

A couple of days later we are in Sukathai, an ancient old capital of Thailand. Most people go to the more accessible Ayatuyhha near Bangkok so it isn’t massively full of tourists here, which is really nice for a change. We do manage to spend our first few hours here drinking capacious amounts of Chang Beer in a mostly tourist bar though – oops! So much so I decide to befriend a girl sat on her own reading a book. Poor girl! Oh and I experience my first toilet that isn’t a flush but a bucket of water thrown down it. Glad I was drunk for that. Sadly, the alcohol also made me forgetful in applying insect repellent and I gather a nice collection of about 20 – 30 leg bites. Oops.

This is the evening we speak to our friends back home, Tom and Clair, and find out the sad news that Tom has cancer and the happy news that they have decided to get married in 4 weeks. Both shell-shocked, Duncan turns to me ‘I have to go home’. I know. We arrange to come home after we have finished Thailand and Chiang Mai but to go back out for Vietnam and Japan.

We spend the next day riding push bikes round the lovely ruins. But it is so damn hot! I have to keep moving to just get a draft to keep me cool. The ruins here are amazing though and we get some beautiful photos. It’s just the relaxing, reflective activity we needed. I mostly enjoy being a tourist attraction for a massive group of Thai tourists, much giggling and staring at the blonde girl, and seeing the Thai flower seller getting the flowers off the monument to re-sell later in the day. Genius.

Over to Chiang Mai a few days later but we have lost a lot of our ‘get up and go’ and I keep feeling heat-stroked every time I go out so we don’t do as much as we could of here. Of course, we made time for shopping at our local Chinese market (more shoes!) and realising we suddenly need to get loads of holiday presents for all the family back home we shop, shop, shop, barter, barter, barter. My Karoooonngg nanananana is coming in very handy – thanks Taya! We also get ourselves sorted with tailor made suits and dresses. So much fun and really well-made (gotta be careful in Thailand and Vietnam as quality can vary drastically). And we find a restaurant that sells English food – would have been great to satisfy my baked beans and jacket potato craving if we weren’t going home in 5 days!

We spend a day on an elephant tour thing which I wish we had never done and would NEVER, NEVER, EVER recommend. The elephants don’t seem to be treated that well and the one we rode had loads of cuts in its head from the keepers knife thing, chains around its feet, and it gets kicked to get moving all the time. I hate it and everyone thinks I am scared of the elephant. Humph. Next we see an elephant show where the elephants do tricks like kicking footballs, carrying logs and painting pictures. Not sure any of these are natural for an elephant...and I find elephants with babies chained in cages with no water or food. Humph. Then we go to a ‘village’ which is just an opportunity for the ladies to sell us more stuff, even bartering over the talking guide. Humph. Then riding ox’s up a dull road that the bus could have taken us up. Humph. And finally we get to see a ‘beautiful’ waterfall, which is man-made as we spot the pipe going back to the top. Humph. Humph. Humph. Rubbish day.

Must end on a high note..... erm we get conned in a taxi in Bangkok again... erm met lots of really rude Indian people in Delhi...erm had an argument with a queue jumper on the airplane ‘Excuse me we are queuing’, ‘oh well, you go first then I’ll go’, ‘Yes, that is how queues work’ ...ok, erm Duncan’s TV didn’t work on the 10hour flight, neither did his reading light, and all his food had nuts or peas in...ok, erm Sarah and Rob met us at Heathrow with a homemade sign and we get to see all our friends again! YAAAAAAY!

Bangkok - fuck yeah!

Right, time to be a tad more 'cultural' and visit some cities and ruins and that. Oh and do some cheap shopping Bangkok of course.

And our first stop is Bangkok where we finally arrive after a ridiculously long and uncomfortable journey which may have included me calling the girl with her chair rammed back into my knees a 'stupid bitch'. Quite loudly.To her face. But in my defence she did keeeeep ramming her chair back and back and then looking at me case my knees were in her back... urm my legs can't get shorter your chair can go up! grrrr. Stupid bitch.

Our first encounter with terrible tourist scamming happens the minute we get off the bus with a taxi driver charging £4 to take us to our hotel...this is a rip off when it should be about a £1. The cheek! And then the following day we get scammed, again, by a taxi driver, again. This time going to meet Taya for shopping, and the taxi driver took us around the houses to go somewhere that should have taken 10/15minutes. In total he ‘scammed’ us for about 40p and I really would have preferred to have given him 80p extra to get us there direct and on time! So, although you’re supposed to always insist on the taxi using the meter for a fair fare we tend to set a higher price before we go so we get to places quicker.

We spent a few amazing days in Bangkok. Shopping with Taya was great! She took us to the Thai places to shop and made sure the store owners didn’t rip us off just because we are tourists, awesome! The only problem was that the Thai shops don’t always have clothes that fit my hippier, European frame. Duncan was fine. She also insisted on taxi’s setting us lower Thai prices, which they didn’t like so much and drove like crazies as a result! We also spent a lovely evening with her and her boyfriend Note eating at traditional Thai street market food stalls that we never would have been able to do otherwise due to everything being written in Thai and our Thai reading skills not being up to much. The dinner food was amazing but I wasn’t a huge fan of the desserts, one of which was made from swallow’s saliva and another popped goo in your mouth! Haha. We also learnt several useful Thai phrases like ‘please may I have?’ ‘pretty pretty pretty please’ ‘I don’t want’ and ‘c*nt’. Excellent. And we learnt a bit more about Thai culture, the reds v yellows war and the Thai opinions towards black and white people. Really fascinating and great to have someone around like Taya. Thanks Taya! I feel like we have been in a tourism programme with all this help!

We spent a day or two unsupervised to really feel like tourists again - lost and ready to be scammed! The most popular scam we came across, and heard other people had actually fallen for, was the ‘it’s closed’ scam. This is when you get near a tourist attraction like the Grand Palace or a Buddha and someone quite innocently tells you the attraction is closed for the next few hours for ‘lunch’ or for ‘sleeping’. It will open again in 2 hours or so but if you like his friend can take you on a tuk-tuk tour of the city. See how that works. Usually you will be taken to a Buddha, gem shop and tailor. In the best case scenario you pay the tuk tuk driver and go to your original destination eventually. Worst case scenario you are physically forced to buy something from the tailor or gem shop. Not good. Luckily we had heard of this scam so just said thank you and carried on to the original destination and surprise, surprise it was open!

The Grand Palace was amazingly beautiful! The detail in all the architecture was so impressive. From the very Asian roofing structure to the mosaic decorations, mini-mirrors and painted halls of elaborate scenes. All of which is constantly under restoration to keep it beautiful and perfect. The abundance of Buddha’s everywhere is quite astounding too. I imagined that there would be just the one maximum in each building or place a bit like just one God but there are always loads, all over the place, even several in one room. It is also great to see people who really truly still believe in religion and respect it. Not a big fan of the lack of interaction allowed between monks and women though. Anyway...


Loving Bangkok!

Thailand - The Beaches

Thailand's beaches! Almost as famous as the film The Beach set in Thailand. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. But there are so many to choose from and we are clueless, we started off with a plan of visiting about 6 different areas but as each bus journey can add quite a lot to the budget we narrowed it down to 3 areas.

First and thankfully very briefly we have to travel through Phuket to get to Koh Lanta. Our hostel here is the worst hostel ever! The 'room' is a partitioned part of a corridor. Each 'room' has 2 bunk beds with half a meter in between the two, with 2 fans - of which only one could reach the plug socket, the front of the partition was made of plastic, frosted, sliding doors which do not block out light or noise and there was a gap around the top of three of the walls. The lights were connected by 1 light switch outside the rooms and should anyone put the light on to see their way to their room or toilets every room gets their lights on. And we had requested a private, double with air con. They realised the mistake at half-past midnight when another Mr Duncan checked in and had the courtesy to wake us and everyone in the block to ask if we wanted to move... with only 5 hours sleep left we thought not.

The next day involved taxi's, boat's, buses, and tuk tuk's to get to our first hotel in Koh Lanta. Again, the booking was messed up and we were given this time a better room, which the owner kept stressing to us but he had turned the air con off as we hadn't paid for that, reasonable I feel as they had messed the booking up. Anyway, to the beach again at last!

The beach is a bit different to Fiji, which is what I had imagined they would be like, so at first I don't get everyones fascination with the place. Most of the beach is lined with bars, hotels and masseuse tables. There are no loungers for guest use at the hotel and it is busier than Fiji. But the beach is soft and beautiful, the sea is warm and the benefits of having bars close to hand at cheap prices soon becomes obvious! We spend the next few days chilling out, chatting to the bar guys at our resort who are so relaxed and awesome at fire poi, and just eating lots of lovely Indians and Thai food.

After a few days we move all the way to......the other end of the beach and to our second resort! This place (Long Beach Chalet Koh Lanta) was amazing. It is brand new, hence why our tuk tuk had no idea where to go, and run by brother and sister team Taya and Tam. Our rooms is on stilts with a relaxation area below with our own personal hammock, the room is full of mod cons including a super comfy bed. Duncan is mainly happy because he can get the Syfy channel and there is an xbox to play on!  The beach here is a bit quieter than the other end of the beach and we love chilling out all over again....

Whilst here we did get a bit more active, we enjoyed a Thai Cooking school afternoon course where we learnt some yummy curry recipes and had a blast with the other 'chefs' and we almost spent a night apart - Duncan went to a half-moon party on the beach with Tam, but I missed him too much after 10minutes and went down to meet him (braving a lone walk down a dark road through a pack of wild dogs!!) On our last day we did a 4 island tour to go snorkeling, see beautiful 'secluded' beaches and see a lagoon but unfortunately about 20 other tours, including 3 that were loaded with about 200 Japanese tourists each, were doing the same route - not quite so secluded and explorative. AND a fish bit my bum! I had no idea they were so rude!

After a week of relaxing we thought we'd better move to another beach to do some more relaxing... off to Krabi. The beach on the main strip is a bit limey, slimey and backed by the main road so not a great. The following day we got a long boat to nearby Raileigh, this is the area we wanted to go to but is a bit expensive for us poor backpackers, the beach was also quite limey and I think there are mini-jellyfish in the sea cause I keep feeling mini-stings. So we get adventurous and head out into the big blue sea, on a hired double kayak. I sat at the front and realised right at the end that Duncan kept stopping paddling and let me get on with it! Cheeky! On our exciting tour we saw some HUGE jellyfish, lots and lots of crabs, overhanging cliff things, monkeys drinking out of coca-cola cans and a cave filled with penis sculptures. Awesome.

After a few days we decided to move hotel to a nicer place, with a swimming pool, free breakfast and closer to the beach for only 40p more....damn we didn't find that first! Days spent at the pool follow... :)

We enjoyed a lovely Valentine's Day in Krabi. The children's local English School was out practicing their English on Westerners. There were loads of them! So as we walked to the beach swarm after swarm of them asked us what our names are..followed by a blank look when Annabell isn't easy to spell, then where are we from...bit easier, then what is your hobby...erm, I have no hobbies, how sad, and what is your favourite Thai food...thought I'd go with an easy Thai Green Curry but that seemed really confusing and what is your favourite fruit...I lied with pineapple as I didn't think Rowntree's Pastilles would be accepted. Then to say thank you they gave us Valentine's Cards (well they actually gave them all to Duncan - no fair!) and I thought I'd try my Thai  'thank you' but they just looked scared and ran away!

Soon we had to leave Krabi, and leave our new favourite Italian restaurant (I know!), to go on the bumpiest bus ride to the East Coast and Koh Lanta. hmm Koh Lanta... my beach arch nemesis....

Our resort which was apparently only a few steps from the beach...well it was through the resort, down a road, across a main road and through another resort to finally make it on to the beach! and it so isn't worth the walk! The beach is filthy. Rubbish is bobbing in the water and collecting along the coast mixing in with loads of seaweed. The only spot it looked clean was in front of a nice hotel, we try to use a couple of sunloungers belonging to the hotel as there isn't much space to lie on the sand... then the 'butler' comes along to ask us our room number. I try the confident '107', well it is my room number just not at that hotel and shockingly the security guard is employed to move us along. Commoners. After a long long walk down the beach it just gets worse and worse. The beach is shoulder to shoulder with resorts, the resorts own the land in front of their hotel, the hotels fill this land with sunloungers and the sea comes up to the sunloungers and past in some cases. It is ridiculous and really grotty.

The next evening is Full Moon and we are very near the famous 'full moon' party island. But to get there and in to the party they want £50 off each of us! No way! So we just head down to the beach again, which is less horrible now the tide is out and the sunloungers are in, and enjoy a few Cosmopolitans. At night there are loads of people trying to get you to buy things, as per usual in tourist areas really. But the saddest thing is the animals that get shoved onto people and then try to get you to pay to have a photo (the monkey was the saddest), and there are loads of children trying to get you to play Connect 4 with them (which is also what the prostitutes do with their clients in bars). They bet you that if you win you get 100baht and if they win you pay them 100baht. I have a feeling they may be Connect 4 geniuseseses. They also try to sell you flower necklaces and we manage to say no for ages until a super-cute girl who tells us she has been working this beach for 4 years convinces us, she was only 9 years old and it was 11pm! After she sold one to me she tried to get Duncan to buy one for himself telling him if he did he would look like a ladyboy - hahahaha, he isn't sold. Other children try and tell Duncan he is cheapskate man for not giving in - now they know what I have to deal with!

We gladly and quickly leave Koh Lanta in search of some culture and the North of Thailand... bye for now beaches!

Malaysia - meh

Getting a dodgy bus from a dodgy bus station in Singapore we do our first land border crossing and almost don't make it! We don't have any evidence of out onward travel plans to prove we aren't staying in Malaysia.... hmm one the guidebook neglected to suggest. Luckily, they let us through and we continue on to Melaka in our shoddy bus with broken air conditioning....

Melaka has been recommended to us by the tourist board in Singapore as an architecturally fascinating city due to all the different countries that have been in charge their at some point... There is probably a more historical way to put that...so we are looking forward to a day exploring. Well, after about 2 hours spent getting lost, me getting grumpy, the map not matching the road signs, walking on the road up a four-lane road in heavy traffic and finding the outskirts of town we finally see 2 white people and follow them back to the centre of town. An excellent plan, had they not been going back to their hotel. Oh well, jump across several traffic lights with no pedestrian light system, risk getting killed and finally we arrive beneath a grotty sign in a carpark welcoming us to Melaka.

The town is supposed to be very dutch, well it is kinda red and there is a windmill but I think Europe may offer a better Holland. We do however find a delicious restaurant and a shopping mall selling loads of cheap shoes! And stumble across China Town and a gorgeous temple but we're not so sure of the protocol so just wander around outside.

Off to Kuala Lumpur on another bus. We're not very good at this bus thing yet and I just agree to the first bus going to Kuala Lumpur so we end up at a bus stop outside of town and get shafted by a taxi driver who gets to about £30 then drops us off a walk away from our hostel as he has no idea where it is!

For the first few days we stay in the china town area which we both love. There is an indoor market which sells all kinds of crap I want to buy and has an awesome antiquey restaurant with happy hour to keep Duncan busy too! They also served these yummy Thai Hats which are rice baskets with shredded vegetables and sweet chilli sauce - YUM YUM YUM! So good we ordered it twice. We also managed to catch one of the New Year's Dragon dances where the dragons dance into the shopping mall bringing good luck in with them. The music is loud and banging and really fascinating although our ears were ringing at the end! Every building in the China Town area does this every day of the New Year period. I love that the Chinese are very into their traditions and cultures and once again I feel sad for the lack of English pride our country has sometimes.

Later that evening we had a wander around China Town which is all decorated and bustling 'cause of Chinese New Year. The market stalls here are more along the fake designer goods and general market trash but it is fabulous for sitting in a bustling bar on the street, ordering large beers and just watching the mayhem caused by shouting market stall owners, slow walking tourists and locals laden down with stuff getting excited by a handbag stall selling everything at £4 - well that is good value!

After a few days in the area we move to the Muslim part of town. hmmm. Not so much fun. The shops here employ a method of playing ridiculously loud music and shouting over the top of that about their deals. The area is much dirtier, the food is less delicious and unless I want to buy a head scarf shopping here is limited. We are in an awesome hotel though with the COMFIEST pillows and duvet ever!

And finally we need to go see the Petronus Towers! After navigating the frankly AWFUL train system (you can't change train in the same area like on the London Underground - you get out walk over the road and buy a new ticket from the CORRECT ticket window only before continuing on your journey) anyway.... the area around the Petronus Towers, once you navigate your way out of the underground station and mall, is lovely. All spangly and new and clean! The towers are impressive and Duncan takes about a thousand photos and we even get asked to be in photos with some Chinese girls. The apparently love seeing white people or something, I think we are just so good-looking they couldn't miss the opportunity. There is a massive lake just outside the towers and a little are of it is designated paddling pool area for children and it is rammed! Mind you, it is so damn hot I consider running in in my pants too, although I am already attracting enough attention so I think I'll stay fully clothed for now. We stick around for the sun to set and see the towers all lit up which is lovely and tomorrow we leave for the beaches of Thailand.

Bye Bye Malaysia, it's been meh.

Singapore Slung!

I am so excited! We are going to Asia! Everyone goes on and on about how much they love Asia and after mainly western countries for the past few months a change in culture sounds about right.

Now, what I genuinely think people mean when they say 'culture change' is dirty, undeveloped town. Ok, maybe I am being a bit unfair but before we hit Singapore for tourists we checked out a few areas a bit more authentic including Little India and Arab Street. For the first time in my life I feel like I stand out a mile for being white and keep getting stared at. I am also really conscious of culture differences that I have heard and read about like the fact that I should be covered up out of respect but I just feel like Samantha in Sex and The City 2 and want to run up to Muslim men shouting 'I have sex'! I don't though, shout it that is! Also, these areas feel a bit unsafe. Not like I am about to get mugged, although I have read so many warnings about theft, cons, and bag snatching I feel worried about that too. What I mean is that you generally have to walk on the road and fight with the traffic. Shops seem to claim the footpath in front of their shops so you have to go round them if people are shopping or if the shop is closed and therefore the footpath is! Also, there is a lack of pedestrian crossings in these out of town areas making it a great game of chicken, if you like that kind of thing. And I generally am not appreciative of the 'shouty' sales method employed outside of England. You know the 'Miss Miss' 'You look' 'Good price' 'Special offer for you'... aaaahhhhhh. Oh and incense - never smelt so much of it in my life as I did in Little India. But I think I figured out that it was to detract the bugs and flys from shops. and sometimes it just smelt nicer than the sometimes drainy smell of the streets.

Ok, so then we stumble across Raffles Hotel! It is pretty and white and touristy! And weirdly HUGE! Once inside it seems to go on forever! There is a huge courtyard in the middle as well as several garden areas and a wrap around shopping area. We try to get a famous Raffles High Tea but we are a bit early so we get a pie instead. :)


Over the road is Chjimes, which is likened in the guide book to Covent Garden. I guess whoever wrote that has never been to Covent Garden.  The area is full of restaurants and mostly closed. And then it starts to rain, and rain and rain. It is so heavy and prolonged that I make the rather dull comment, wait for it... 'they must have good drain systems here' BOOM! I am officially old. I try to counteract this by suggesting a few mid-afternoon beers to wait out the rain. Not sure that will do it. But they do have the longest happy hour ever - check it out...11am - 9pm!


Duncan decides he now wants to go shopping 'Big Mistake - Huge' I find CHEAP SHOES! The shopping is immense here. It is like walking down Oxford Street, with Westfield and the Trafford Centre and every other UK shopping mall on the one road. My favourite thing is having Top Shop right next door to shops like Prada and Gucci. I just have to try to not buy too much and repeat to myself 'it will be even cheaper in Thailand and Vietnam'.

The next day it is still raining, but don't let that deceive you it is still hot, hot, hot! We try to brave public transport to get to the Botanic Gardens. I have no idea if we ever paid the correct fair or what the bus driver said but we figured out we put money in a slot and a ticket comes out of a machine inside the bus. But we did make it to the right place, hurrah! The Botanic Gardens are my favourite place in Singapore so far. The lakes and individual gardens are beautiful, although all this walking is a shock after Melbourne! We see a cool lizard thing that is huge in the swan lake and has a spiked tongue for real! We see some cool bonsai trees and some ginger plants but they aren't in flower much. There is an epic game of frisbee going on with the gayest person in the world playing. I can't describe it but I will demonstrate when I see you - sorry musical theatre world, you lose this one! And just before my feet pass out and I start to complain (if you believe I haven't complained about my feet aching up until now you really don't know me!) we go to the Orchid Garden. It is beautiful! Loads and loads of luscious orchids of all colours - why do mine never work out like that!? As the rain gets heavier we go into the cold house, to see the carnivorous plants... I may have accidentally killed one by tipping out the liquid it uses to catch flies..oops. and it keeps on raining and raining and raining.

On our last night in Singapore we hit Raffles again for a famous Singapore Sling. Raffles bar is so cool! It is really old fashioned bar style with fans on the ceiling that move back and forth to cool the room (rather than modern spinney ones). The bar supplies monkey nuts in the shell to nibble on whilst enjoying your overpriced beverage. I love cracking these nuts (hmmmgirly and sweet and alcoholic! Duncan loved it! And now we've started we may as well have a few drinks.... on to Chjimes, which is now open but still nothing like Covent Garden. We discover a microbrewery for a few very high percentage beers and a lovely bar, which I don't really remember much about but I know I had cocktails!

And our last night in Singapore draws to and end with us walking home, with painful feet, going the wrong way, in the rain, with a broken umbrella, unable to hail ANY taxi due to being white. Grand.

Sorry there are no photos inserted - I can't save them off facebook as per usual and my camera battery has died so I can't add them from there! but here is the link to all the photos on facebook! - Singapore Photos

Melbourne Part II

Reading back on my last blog I realise how bad my grammar is sometimes and for that I apologise! Oops!

So back to Melbourne! Luckily we managed to change our flights so we don't have to get a 15 hour Greyhound with a 1am change to get back here - phew and this time we are staying with the lovely Andy and Jemma who we met out in Fiji. Staying with friends is so awesome, kitchen, bathroom, sofa, large bedroom and no noisy traveller types or bad reviews to put you off the place! So thanks to all our wonderful Australian Hosts - Adelaidians Lucy and Katy, Melbournians Tom, Carys, Andy and Jemma, Sydnodians Steve and Clare - it has been wonderful spending time and drinking hours with all of you. It makes such a difference, and not just to our bank accounts!

So back in Melbourne, and with the luxury of a car we are able to go out of town a bit to see a few things we didn't do first time around. On our first night we drove over to Brighton Beach, sadly the fish and chip shop had already sold out at 8pm (rubbish), but we do get to enjoy the gorgeous beach at sunset. The beach is lined with colourful beach houses, which sell for around $500,000 each, CRAZY, but it is so beautiful here.

We spend another day over at the Yarra Valley, but in true style we get up super late and only manage to get to a few places to try some delicious wine before everywhere closes! The first stop in Chandon, which has the grapes and vines from the Moet and Chandon vineyard. The 'expert' who serves the wine shows us how to taste the wines properly and to 'spit' rather than 'swallow', like most of the visitors to the centre but the thought of spitting out wine not only upsets me but makes me want to gag (I hate the look of spit and only do it when way too drunk (see Anne-Marie for full story) so I stick to drinking to good stuff. We enjoy a lovely cheese platter here and a bottle of wine in the restaurant before moving on. The next place is ok, but I think I am now a bit slaughtered from drinking about half a bottle of wine plus all the tasters so I really don't know if any of the wines are good. I know the cheese is good though so we got a lovely selection of them before going on to the final and worst place of the day. The wine expert guy told us half of the wines on the 7 wine menu were rubbish and that wine tasting is rubbish and you should just drink it.... good to know.

Welcome to my vineyard!

Beautiful Yarra Valley

Classy drunk with my Brut Et Brut!

Another late start and another day out was spent in the Mornington Peninsula area. We get there just in time for lunch at 3pm, but the view is outstanding! Looking over the sea, harbour and hundreds of boats with the sun beating down we enjoy a massive seafood lunch. With very full bellies we find a nearby beach to fall asleep on. The sand is soft, yellow gold and the sea is choppy surf-beach style. The area which you can swim in is so small because of the danger of riptides that it's like looking at a very small Spanish/English occupied beach packed with people. I go for a paddle (and try to get Duncan involved but apparently it is too cold) and the waves are crazy. One moment it is lapping around my feet and then the next wave is so big it comes up to my stomach, I'm not tempted to go any deeper!

Lunchtime views

We do some fantastic eating whilst here in Melbourne and the fact that my clothes have all shrunk is testament to that! We have enjoyed an authentic Indian (which included nuts in every dish so I suppose Duncan didn't really enjoy it!), a lovely Thai which we ate sat on the floor (although most of the dishes included nuts and made me worry slightly about the language barrier in Asia as when we asked if the dishes were cooked with nuts the lovely lady said 'you want to take away?'), and some none nut based meals including at BBQ at St. Alberts Park, a gorgeous gourmet burger at the beach in St. Kilda's and a stodgy home-made Toad In The Hole, right here on the balcony at Andy and Jemma's!

It's BURGER TIME!

BBQ in the park

As you can probably imagine we have been out a few times for drinks whilst here but it still amazes me how pricey it is! A bottle of beer is $10 = 7GBP and a cocktail $20. Mostly we make like students and get very drunk at home before going out. One night we went out about 10:30pm and realised we were a tad hungry, so before hitting the bars we visited a local 'Pie Face'. These are lovely Pie shops chains all around. The one we went to was open, the lights were on but no-one was home...odd. We called out, no reply... The lights are on, the open doorway is open, hot water is running, the till is there and so is an open collection for the flood relief on the counter. We call out 'hello', 'hello', 'Pie people?' no response. Duncan climbs over the chair blocking the way to the seating to look around the counter and shout towards the back. No reply. We've been there about 5 - 10mins now and starting to worry that someone has collapsed out back or has been held up for the till money. Luckily on the counter is a contact number for the franchiser, he gives us permission to go round the back of the shop and check things out. Andy steps round with trepidation, followed by Duncan incase there are bad people there, opens the door and there is an 18-year old boy sat on the toilet looking very scared! We run and now know 'Pie Face' as 'Poo Face'.

Last night we actually attempted to go out 'clubbing'. The first club we went to wanted $35 to allow us in, erm no thank you! The second place was a bar down the graffiti-ed  backstreets with men peeing up most of the walls but with no dancefloor. The third was EuroTrash - three layers of young people, bad music and sweltering heat not to mention that horrible 'push past' everywhere you stand. The final place at 3am was half empty, with that 'these are the last drunk and single people around' feeling but at least we can finally dance although the slow r 'n' b and weird ability of everyone in that club to dance in a professional way meant that a few swaying dances with Duncan we were ready to go home. This is why we don't club much anymore! God we're old!

Getting the dance moves ready for our night out!

C'mon guys, let's get outta here!

Carl, Duncan's friend from Disney back home for those who don't know, has arrived in Melbourne! Just for 3 weeks but it means we get to pretend like we know something and take him on tours of the city. We spend many a fine hour drinking beer on Federation Sq (where I think one of the barmen looks like Edward Cullen - Twilight), walking along the river to the Casino where we waited to see the fire thrower machines at 6pm but it turns out they only start after dark, going around the shops and cafes of the walkways and stopping for tea and cake at a famous tea shop in the Block Arcade as well as dinner and drinks in another lovely cafe alleyway. We also enjoyed a few hours in the ACMI, which we later went back to with Jemma also. This is a movie museum which also features games (e.g. Nintendo) and things you can do and play with. The scary thing is the Nintendo Duncan had when he was a boy is now encased in a museum! We are so old. We play on a few computer games and queue with children to play Mario Kart on the Wii. The best bit though is the movie 'get active' section. There is a matrix camera set-up so you can do the frozen-in-mid-air-camera-sweep-around-thing, which Duncan and Carl do really well but I never seem to get the hang of it! My jump is always on the take off or landing! There is a freaky strobe lighting thing, blacked out room with a light projection and smoke machine, a make-your own flip book and a camera/screen that puts weird things on your shadow like long hairs or pointy scales. It's super-great fun and freeeeee!

Pinkies out boys!

LINK TO DUNCAN'S MATRIX VIDEO - http://www.acmi.net.au/timeslice/Timeslice.htm?file=ts-20110120-af6a703eae31a10d0282cf48e327f2a8.flv

Weird camera projection thing

Original Sonic - oh yes!

Unfortunately, whilst we are staying with Andy and Jemma their home is burgled. The odd thing is the place is tidy when we get in and nothing obvious is wrong so it takes us a few hours to even notice. There is no sign of a break-in and nothing big has gone. It feels so unreal like the stuff is going to turn up any minute but it doesn't. The police arrive the next day and guess who are number 1 suspects? That's right - the 2 travellers who they just met a few months ago who are staying and have a key and it happened on the first day we didn't spend together as a group. Great. Things are a bit awkward and stressful for a while but luckily Jemma and Andy don't think it is us. It is just so horrible thinking of a stranger coming into their home and taking such valuable things to them that are irreplaceable like antique jewellery. And it is even worse not knowing what to do to make it better, so we clean and make tea. :(

Also, whilst we were here Duncan had to have a tooth out (either that or a root canal at $1300). This was painful for him but I think it was mostly painful for me having to listen to him going on and on about the how much his mouth hurts! Haha! Love ya really honey.

So to end on a high in Melbourne and Australia. It is Australia Day! (why doesn't England make an effort like this for St. George's Day I ask you?!) We generally miss most of the parades and events going on due to getting up late (again) and trying to get a bit of Asia organised so we get over to Federation Sq with just enough time to enjoy the live bands, dancers, singers and the weird Australian born, Chinese looking, German accented presenters of the festival event, as well as blagging great seats for the fireworks. We fight these off by playing Billionaire for 3 hours and blocking the way of children who look like they might steal the ledge... now to be fair they should probably be at home in bed or doing homework or they should have arrived earlier or grown taller already, not my fault is it?! Actually, Karma kicks in and it turns out the fireworks go off on the river behind the building we have a great view of....

Saving seats in Fed Sq

Band and crowd at Fed Sq

We do manage to scoot round to the river to catch most of the fireworks and Chris (Jemma's brother) says there is no such thing as Australia Day really and the fireworks are just the Aussie's way of saying goodbye to us. I love that! We'll miss you all loads but alas we must leave to miss you at all.

And we leave with a bang!

BYE BYE AUSTRALIA!

Sunny(?) Sydney

So my last few blogs were a bit rushed and I stupidly forgot to tell you about my favourite 2 things about Australia. I guess you should have a favourite thing or top 3 but things are a bit upside down here in Australia. So my 2 favourite things are potato twirls...mmmm. They are potatoes cut into a twist, put on a wooden stick, deep fried and then sprinkled with flavouring e.g. chilli, cheese, salt... although mine got dropped in salt rather than sprinkled, ah well all potato is good potato.

The second thing is drive thru bottle shops. In Australia they don't sell alcohol in supermarkets but in separate bottle shops (usually next door to the supermarket), how inconvenient! However, they make up for this inconvenience by allowing you to drive into a shop, have the seller ask what you want, you pop the boot and they put it in. You don't even get out of the car! AMAZING! Personally I think this is a great idea as I find it really difficult to walk when drunk.

(As a side note I forgot to mention that I have been breathalysed 3 times in Australia already! That doubles my record to date.)

So onto Sydney!

On our very first night in Sydney we went to the 'Best Bar 2011' with our new hosts Steve and Claire. 'Best Bar 2011' - It's January! How can they possibly know this is going to be the best bar in 2011? How presumptuous. They're probably right though as the dead cow head on the wall is definitely a winner if you ask me...

Maybe our presence made it the best bar in 2011?

A couple of days later after recovering from hangovers that the devil created we decide to venture out into Sydney and see the sights. I am so excited to finally see the Opera House and Harbour Bridge but when we get there they look just like they do on TV and I don't get the magic 'Disneyland is real' feeling I expected. We take a few obligatory pictures, and many many more throughout our stay in Sydney all from different angles and with different weather backgrounds - a nice collection is on Facebook for viewing! We also go for a wander through the botanical gardens to Mrs Macquaries chair (a rock shaped like a chair) but the hordes of Japanese tourists queuing to take photos put us off from getting any of our own shots. Sorry.

Over the next few days we spend a lot of time visiting travel agents to try planning and booking our route up the East Coast to the Whitsundays and Fraser Island using the Greyhound Bus. I really can't decide who my favourite travel agent was - the one who used the best sales lines ever 'I'm dropping my pants with these offers', 'This price can only be guaranteed if you book now (unless you leave a $50 deposit then we can reserve them until tomorrow)' and 'Get out and come back on Saturday if you want this price' or the agent who to show us pictures of the Whitsundays turned his computer round, closed down a window, to reveal underneath a picture of a lady with her 'b-jango' out on full display. Nice. Or maybe my favourite agent has to be the one who sold us Greyhound tickets to Cairns but neglected to mention that the route wasn't running due to flooding. Ah travel agents - you gotta love them!

So Sydney. this place is humid by the way. Not sunny, humid. It is so deceiving - you look outside, it is grey, you wear jeans, you fail. No seriously there is hardly no sun for the majority of the time we are here yet it is the hottest place ever! We go on a day trip to the Blue Mountains, which apparently has beautiful views but as you can see from our pictures we mainly saw clouds and mist and fog.

We did go to a cool place called Flat Rock -over the years people have engraved their initials and date of visit into the stone, which is so amazing seeing dates from so far back. We also went for lunch at a nice town called Leura and to Scenic World where we travel across a valley in a glass bottomed sky lift and down the mountain on the steepest railway ever (I freaked out when I was on it as I thought it was going to go really fast like a rollercoaster, it didn't and I felt a bit like a fool for getting so scared!).

Looking unreasonably scared...

Glass bottomed skylift

 Back up at the top we frolic around with the Three Sisters sculptures (they are really ugly sisters) before going back to Sydney on the ferry.

Back in Sydney we meet Steve at the Opera House Bar, which is absolutely PACKED with the work crowd. Great people watching. We then go to the Summit bar, which is a revolving bar and restaurant high up. We are lucky and just catch the sun set and Harbour Bridge with all the lovely lights on. I also commandeer a new umbrella (I left mine in a bar - d'oh) as it got caught on the window when someone put it down so as we moved around it was suddenly at our table instead - score!

View from Summit Bar

This umbrella turns out to become very useful indeed, as Sydney seems to be enjoying lots of tropical rain storms at the moment. This only happens once every 15 years so how lucky are we to be experiencing this rather than a baking hot summer?! We went out to meet Felicity for drinks one fine evening, and before we knew it the rain was hammering down. We waited for ages under a covering, laughing at people running past with see-through tops from the rain, until we finally gave up going into town and found a random cafe in a park where I got this lovely shot of the rain. (Yes, I have actually written a whole paragraph just to get this photo into my blog! - anyone feel that sledge hammer?)

Skegness, well that's a beach that's nothing like Bondi, which incidentally is where we spent a few hours one day*. The sun is finally shining and we need to go to a famous Aussie Beach! And it is just like I imagined...golden sand, awesome surf, and people with great bodies wandering around in bikinis. Unfortunately we can't stay as long as we'd like as we have tickets for the Sydney and Bondi tourist bus which have a time limit on - boooo. So back we get on the big red bus around town. The big red bus, by the way is a bit crappy. Normally I like these buses as they show you the sights with little walking and you can hop on and off as you fancy. However, this buses pre-recorded tour guide sounds like an Aussie Chris Tarrent (ACT) and the timing of the talk is slightly off... for instance (please add your own ACT accent) 'If you look to the right you can see an amazing view of the Sydney skyline' we look to the right just in time to see the skyline disappear behind trees before we go back down the hill. oh.

Bondi Beach

On the Big Red Bus going through a tunnel!

Finally we decide we must leave Sydney and start going up the coast (before the flooding gets so bad we can't get to Brisbane ya see). Leaving our King's Cross, prostitute surrounded hotel we get the Greyhound bus North to Bondi and Brisbane. 7pm we get on the bus, 10pm we get off at a rest-stop - where a woman drives frantically into the petrol station, jumps out of her car screaming, to be followed by a tarantula crawling out after her! - 11pm we pick up more people, 12am the bus drivers swap over, 1am I can't sleep, 2am the driver is talking loudly about floods on the phone, 3am we get diverted due to floods, 4am we stop behind lorries as far as the eye can see as floods have cut off the road (20m flood), 6am we turn around, 8am we change buses with the option to stay in Coffs Harbour (and wait for the floods to go) or go back to Sydney, 8:30am we are back on the road to Sydney, 10am breakfast stop, 11am sleep at last, 2pm Independence Day begins, 3:30pm Independence Day ends, 4:30pm we stop back at the original rest-stop, 6:30pm we go back over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. 7pm we arrive back in Sydney. Super.

24 Hours on a bus...looking good

Flooded river

Lorries waiting to go North...

We do get to adopt a very cute boy whilst travelling though. He is 12 and travelling alone, with no extra cash to buy breakfast and lunch. I also love that he told us his iphone had 10hours of battery left ‘if’ he didn’t use it so he wouldn’t need to save any numbers in our phone (we offered just in case he needed to contact his sister in Sydney). 6 hours later he asks if he can borrow our phone ‘cause he used his battery playing games. Classic.

On the plus side back in Sydney we get to do a couple of things we missed first time round including visiting the Paddy’s Market (not as buzy as Victoria Market in Melbourne), seeing a couple of street performers at the Rocks (not as good as Edinburgh Fringe street performers), climbing the Harbour Bridge for more views of the Opera House, visiting the Rocks Night Market (yummy cupcakes), having a delicious breakfast at Wooloomaloo Harbour and my favourite day in Sydney yet ...

...wandering around Darling Harbour in the gorgeous sunshine, visiting the Wildlife centre where we see kangaroos, koalas, emu’s, butterflies, beetles, ants, a working bee hive, stick insects, the world’s deadliest snake and spiders as well a HUGE crocodile, which was so still it looked fake. This was followed by a very happy hour (5 – 8) with Felicity, looking over the Darling Harbour - beautiful water, light reflections and $4 sparkling wine....mmmm. I then got lost in a huge shopping mall, laughed too loud at a street performer and had a McDonalds. It was all good.

Now we are going back down South to Melbourne, which is kinda my favourite Aussie city anyway so all has worked out AND we get to see Andy, Jemma and Carl as well as Carys and Tom again...now just pray for some sunshine!




* Paragraph opening line supplied by C. Harvey 2011